As I soar effortlessly, my mortal concerns disappear, mechanical wings outstretched I feel the ground slipping from beneath my feet. -Cirque du Soleil 

there was this girl and she was so content with being alive, she sat near me in the middle of the bus, the part that rotates as the bus turns, drinking her tea and smiling after every sip like she was drinking a happy memory. As she sat there swinging her legs back and forth drinking her tea and smiling, I couldn’t help but feel happy. She made me feel so nice. And before I got off I told her that I appreciated her attitude and that she put me in such a good mood. She was very appreciative and thanked me and told me to carry it on through the rest of my day. Her name was Rachel. 

I cannot understand why I am feeling this way, last night I had a dream that I got into a car accident. I looked up this dream and it meant that I feel like I am not in control of my life. And that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t feel like I’m understanding Russian well enough for it to be my major. I am terrified that I wont be able to learn it well enough to do anything with it, scared that when I go to Russia, I won’t like the country that I have romanticized in my head. I’m so afraid of what I will become, I don’t even know why I am learning Russian. I am so compelled to learn it but I have no idea what I am going to do with it. I’m floating on in this empty sea waiting for something to happen to me watching all these stars fall around me and all I can do is float along.